She Started Kindergarten Today...

So today was the day. The day I have dreaded for a long time. Lucy started kindergarten.Don't get me wrong, I love to see my girls grow and blossom. I really do. But it tugs on my heartstrings in a major way. While I was so happy that Lucy was SO excited to go to kindergarten this morning, I had a lump in my throat, a sinking feeling in my stomach, and an ache in my heart.
This morning went WAY different than I had planned in my head. My plan was to walk the girls in and take them to their classes. When we pulled up to the school, Macy (being a big 4th grader!) really wanted to get out in the carpool line. So I pulled up to the sweet, sweet lady (Tammy)that gets the kids out of the car...and to my surprise, Lucy pops out of her booster seat, throws her backpack on her back, and jumps...and I mean literally JUMPS out of the car. It happened so fast my head was spinning...I looked up and Lucy was already walking through the front door of the school. Tammy knew I was wanting to take her in, but she so sweetly said, "Shannon, let her go." And the tears came. Tammy, being the sweet soul that she is, knew I was a mess, so she told me to park, walk in, and peep in Lucy's class. So I did. Lucy had already hung her backpack on her hook and was in the classroom all smiles chatting away with some little classmates. As bad as my heart was breaking, I am telling you, it was about to burst with pride.
The first grade Moms hosted a "Boo Hoo Breakfast" for the kindergarten Moms. Such a great idea. It was nice to meet some of the new Moms and talk to some of the Moms I already knew. They gave us a pack of tissues with this on it...

I didn't read it until I got out to the car. And then the floodgates opened. Not just tears in my eyes...it was the ugly cry. I looked at my phone and had the sweetest messages. I have the most precious friends...

I have been feeling really down this past week. I know it has to do with Macy getting back in school and Lucy starting kindergarten. We have just had such a fun, laidback summer, and I wasn't ready for it to end. I guess I have been feeling insecure...I am just at that point where I don't have a "baby" at home anymore, and I am feeling really sad about that. I told Jason that I was afraid I was losing my purpose. I know, I know, my children are still small children...they are only 9 and 5. I have been told so many times by so many people that children need their Mamas even more when they get in school. We are here to fill their physical needs, of course, but as they grow, they need us for their emotional needs even more. And so this text that came this morning meant so much to me...

As I sat and cried (okay, squalled) in my car this morning, it hit me that while this morning didn't go quite as planned, I am the reason it didn't. It is because I gave Lucy those little wings she needed so badly this morning on her first day of kindergarten...I gave her those little wings and that self-confidence that she needed to jump out of the car and excitedly run into her very first classroom. And while I was not there right beside her physically, I helped her hang her little owl backpack on her little hook, and I gave her the enthusiasm and confidence to walk up to a little group of children and talk to them. Because I am her Mama, and I have instilled in her the values she has, the love she holds in her heart, and the excitement she has in her soul.

This morning, I am proud to say...